Why is it important to revisit childhood? Why can’t the past just be the past?
For Adult-Children and Codependents to heal, they must must first weed-out the faulty beliefs interfering with a beautiful garden…
Identifying The Weeds
I am not a green-thumb by any means, but I’m pretty clear that one of the most important steps in growing a beautiful garden is to get rid of all of the weeds. Generally speaking, weeds are simply plants growing in the wrong place. There are some plants that look like weeds and some weeds that look like plants. Most weeds are harmless but look bad, but then there are some that are poisonous. They not only wreak havoc on your roses, but they can be dangerous to other living creatures. Ignoring them will not make them go away. Pretending it is a plant hoping it will produce spring tulips is pretty silly. Selling oneself on the fact that dandelions are harmless is settling for a mediocre garden. Minimizing the seriousness of a bishops weed could result in severe illness or death to a beloved pet. And, even an amateur gardener like me understands why the only way to get rid of weeds is getting to its root, otherwise it will just grow back and start the cycle all over again.
The Journey to Healing
To heal the adult-child or codependent, a couple of things have to happen so the journey can begin:
One must look back to what happened in childhood with adult eyes to understand what went wrong and deeply believe that none of it was ever their fault or about them.
Even though the past was not our fault, it was very important to connect the feelings of discontent and being unfulfilled in the present to the hurts experienced as a child.
Recognize there are two choices: stop the self-deception, hiding, denying, & minimizing the pain and get help to get to the root of it, or continue with the same thinking that caused the pain and let the cycle of misery repeat again and again and again.
Fortunately, there is freedom in accepting this as reality. Trying to “pretend” everything is OK and expending massive amounts of energy in an attempt to control situations is exhausting. Uncovering the lies allows us to replace them with truths. Letting go of the lies liberates us and allows us to begin to living true to ourselves. It is then that the life begins to bloom.