If you lack confidence it is costing you!

“Costing what?” you may ask: Time, Money, Your Love-life AND Opportunity: That’s what lacking confidence is costing you!


And, above all...HAPPINESS!




Because people who lack confidence don’t chase their dreams.  They settle for less!  They don’t go after their dream job, or that girl/guy they’re crushing on; they don’t take necessary risks to grow and succeed; they seek out what is safe and then get stuck in a comfort zone.


Confidence isn’t developed magically but here are some useful ways to build confidence and start turning “I can’t” into “I can” right now!


  •  Don’t take yourself so seriously: People often think that what they say, do, how they look is the focus of attention of others.   They don’t get up on the dance floor because they’re nervous about how they look.  The truth of it is most people are so self-absorbed they’re not paying attention to you, or at most a fraction of what you perceive they are. Even if they are looking at or judging you, so what? Let them!  Chin-up and carry on!

  • Find yourself doing something right: Do you find yourself dwelling on all the things you wish you were better at?  If so, make today the day you change that.  Make a list of all the things you are doing right.   If you honestly can’t think of anything, ask someone you look up to and notice what they are doing.   Believe it or not, what we see in others reflects what (deep down) we believe about ourselves.   Under all of those negative messages, you have those exact qualities (Bill Hendrick, 2010). For everything you legitimately don’t like about yourself, find 5 things that you do!  This 5:1 ratio works for everything.

  • Start your day off strong:   When you first wake up, what you tell yourself in the first  20 minutes will impact your thought process for the rest of the day (Safwan,2017).   Practice training your brain to expect a great version of you being successful in whatever your day brings.  Most super confident and successful people have a morning routine.   Consider reading daily affirmations or practicing mindful meditation to train your brain to think positively about yourself. If you find that your inner-voice resists believing positive things about you, write down what the negative messages are. The first step to obliterating these self-limiting beliefs is being aware of what they are. From there you can question their validity and start to replace them with empowering thoughts.

  • One of the best ways to learn how to gain self confidence is to surround yourself with confident and positive people:    Watch how they react to things and lean into those behaviors.  It will feel unnatural at first but sometimes you must “fake it until you make it”.     There are sometimes that we don’t have a choice and get stuck being around pessimistic and negative thinkers.   However, whenever possible, stick with people who are happy and confident.  Just remember their misery is theirs and hurts them, not you.

  • Try new things: Great things never come from a comfort zone.  Staying safe not only keeps you stuck but it does not improve confidence. Instead of always doing what is familiar and what you are good at, try something new or that you know you the best at.   It will be uncomfortable at first, but nothing horrible will happen and you will be surprised at how good it feels after.  This does not mean you should take a risk that freaks you out, just nudge yourself to step a little bit beyond your comfort zone and you will develop a stronger ego and sense of pride.

  • Eat well and get regular exercise: So maybe your parents told you to get exercise because its healthy because did they mention it’s also good for your career? In short, proper nutrition, regular sleep and exercise have a huge impact on our moods, thoughts, and behavior.  All of these are factors in our confidence.   This doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself at the gym or get on some fad diet. However, if your wellness plan needs to be improved, eliminating some junk foods and taking a brisk walk will make you feel like a new you and a jump start to improve your self-confidence.  

  • Be kind: We all have a tough road and we never know what someone else is going through.  Getting outside of ourselves and being considerate of others can be one of the greatest acts of self-esteem.  


Everyone struggles with confidence issues at one time or another. When chronic feelings of fear or not being good enough keep you from doing what you love it’s time for a new way of thinking.  I’d love to have a discovery session with you so that you can decide for yourself if coaching is right for you.  Or, if you prefer, try a coach referral service like Life Coach Library.  You’ll be matched with up to 3 coaches giving you the chance to find the right chemistry so important for success. 

How to build self-confidence: 


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Ocean View, DE

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